Another 20 mins… I'm horrifically bored at the present moment. Listening to the fucking Crash Test Dummies… yeah, you heard me. What the hell you got to say about it?!?! This is some deep shit "how come all my body parts so nicely fit together, all my organs doing their jobs no help from me… everything seems planned out, everything thing seems nicely planned out…" Okay I'm done I promise.
So I'm trying to change the way I'm going about this whole being single thing… I've tried to take it seriously for far to long. I'm just going to take it as I can get it… fuck it… I'm only young once. I just don't think I'm the type of girl guys actually want on a daily basis… or at least that's my excuse for now. So yeah, I'm trying to think of my goodies like a field of dreams, if I shave it they will come… hahaha… I couldn't sleep the other night because that thought popped into my head and wouldn't leave. I'm going to take it as a humorous sign. Though my only current prospect is really Brandon, and though I love him to death… I don't want to date him and I'm fairly sure that's what he wants. I don't know for sure and I don't want to mess up another friendship because I can't keep my dick in my pants, if you know what I mean. I'm just becoming very cynical about the whole dating thing and I never thought I would let that happen. I used to be such a romantic optimist, but in reality I just don't believe it anymore.
I think what I really need right now is to just focus on myself and be selfish… though I love men and would love to have one to dote on that aparently isn't an option for me right now. So instead I'm going to just get back in the gym, start taking care of myself, figure out what I want to do when I graduate, finish this summer class, get my apartment together and work on my relationships with friends.
Another thing I think I need to do… go see some damn live music. The last thing I saw was Gwen w/ the Black Eyed Peas… and that was fun… but it just isn't the same. I need some good music, great company and a few beers!
